'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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