Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Randomize