He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
