I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Randomize
