This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
