i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm getting married
To pizza
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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