I'm sorry my penis didn't work
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
