I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
