if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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