So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
