I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
