It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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