you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
