A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
