Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
