I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
