i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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