Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
