What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
