Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
