I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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