someone get that fucking seahorse.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
