i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
