I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
