There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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