Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
