The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
