I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
