Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
