I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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