i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
