I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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