Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
