You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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