Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
