um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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