it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
