she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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