my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
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