Don't you send me to vm
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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