Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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