I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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