How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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