i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
