Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
