so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
