so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
