when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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