I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize