Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
