At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
