this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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