Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
