dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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