You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
