I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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