If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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