you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
