Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
