I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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