you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
