Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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