It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
