Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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