He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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